Family life

As our relationship grew, so, too, did our family

We couldn't have known it, but this was Peter's last Father's Day. The funny thing is I can't even remember the presents we bought him. I just remember that he opened them with excitement, and thanked us generously, and made the kids laugh the entire time. He adored them, and they adored him.

When we first met, Peter was adamant that he never wanted children. I told him that I did; that not having children was a deal-breaker for me. I also promised to never get "accidently-on-purpose" pregnant. He understood how I felt about it; I understood how he felt about it; and we decided there was plenty of time to decide.

Later on he explained that it wasn't so much that he didn't want children; he just didn't think that the default position should be that everyone should have children. But I know at one point, he was so sure he didn't want children that he explored getting a vasectomy. He was 24 then. His girlfriend at the time talked him out of it.

I always knew Peter would be a great father, because he was always so good with kids - his nephew and nieces, for sure, but also random kids we'd meet while we were traveling. In Nepal the street children would flock to him, and he'd talk with them, tease them, and hand out sticks of gum and pens - whatever he happened to have in his pockets. One day in Ghana, we went to the beach to sit and talk. Before we knew it we were surrounded by kids. Peter was in his element. He challenged them to slap his hand as hard as they could. They were hitting it hard! His hand was red! But every time he'd say, "Come on, you can do better!"

Most of the kids were in school uniforms. But there was one little boy, off to the side, who was obviously not in school. He was dressed only in a shirt. It was obvious he didn't feel like he belonged with the other kids, but it was equally obvious that he very much wanted to join in. Peter noticed him, and made sure to include him, too. I'll always remember that boy's wide grin as he snuck in and slapped Peter's hand. I think with that kid, Peter actually said, "Ow! That hurt!" - just to make him feel big and strong.

We never made a formal decision to have children. We just decided to see what happened. It took a long time for me to get pregnant - so much so that I was sure it just wasn't going to happen. That was okay, too. I wanted children; and by then I think Peter did too; but I was also happy with it being just the two of us.

But then it happened. I got pregnant.

At the time we were filming a movie that never quite got finished, "Binny and the Jets" - a musical comedy about the September 11 terrorist attacks. I noticed one day that my period was late. We were in town and I bought a pregnancy test, trying not to get my hopes up. When we got home, I took the test. I waited in the bathroom, watching that little line as it spread. Then I went out and showed him.

"I'm pregnant," I said. "Crap. What now?"

He beamed with joy, and hugged me tight.

We decided that he would be the stay at home father. I had the more stable job; he was operating an internet cafe on Bridge St in Richmond, but business wasn't as good as it had been. He decided to sell the shop and stay home with our child.

We never really settled on a boy's name. But we already knew what the name would be if we had a daughter: Deltree. That name had been decided on years before. He was living in Reservoir at the time, getting computers ready for his first internet cafe. I remember walking into the kitchen of his little apartment, computers all around him. I remember him turning to me to say, "If we ever have a daughter, we should name her Deltree." And I remember my heart soared. We weren't even talking about getting married then - I knew I wanted to, but he was in no rush. And as far as I knew, he still didn't want children. So to have thought things through enough to know what he wanted to call our daughter? That was a very encouraging sign indeed!

On the way home with the pregnancy test, that day I discovered I was pregnant, we were discussing names that could work as a middle name. I asked, "What were your grandparents' names again?" He ran through then - Marjorie, Frank, Clara, George. I stopped him at George. "I've always liked George for a girl's name," I said, "How about Deltree George?" And so, before we even knew we were pregnant, we had the name.